It's A Bad Day To Be An Avenger
by footshooter
Summary: The Avengers have lives outside of their profession. Too bad their profession doesn't seem to take this into account. Today, they've had three separate alien invasion attempts. And boy have they saved the best til last. All Avengers mentioned and most participate. Crack!fic & swearing for those of a sensitive disposition.


The Avengers were having a bad day. This was the third alien invasion in town and they were _all_ different races. A year ago most of them didn't even realise aliens existed. Now, once again, the whole of the city was up.

Natasha hadn't had any lunch and was getting cranky. She was on the ground, dodging lasers and trying to shoot the ugly, fat, slimy fuckers between the eyes. Not unlike zombies, the only way to get them to stay down was to shoot them between the eyes. Otherwise, they just slimed around the bullet and continued advancing. Steve had got slimed like Venkman in Ghostbusters, much to Tony and Clint's amusement, and she was _not_ willing to get all of that shit over her uniform.

Clint was above them trying to plant charges in the alien's stomachs. One thing that was making his day bearable was the fact that they blew up under his explosive arrows, showering everyone in the vicinity with slime. He was careful not to hit Tasha, but so far had hit everyone else. Tony was very unamused and aimed a sleeve rocket at his position, Steve threw his arms in the air and shouted,

"_Clint! Friendly fire!" _over the coms, but he was covered in shit anyway. The Hulk had it all over his legs but didn't seem to notice. Although he did keep sliding in it, slipping across the grass and nearly falling on his arse.

But, Clint was mainly in a bad mood as he pulled his arm back and let another arrow fly. He had _finally_ gotten Natasha to give in and come on a date with him. He was in the shower and she was getting ready as the call came in. He could've killed Fury. It'd probably take him another four years to convince her to come out with him again.

"_Man, I'm getting sick of aliens!_" Stark muttered over the coms, and Clint heard Natasha spit, "_Say over when you're done, Iron Man! Over."_ He could see Tony's expression in his head there and then, but the only response Natasha got was a high pitched muttering noise from Stark.

"_Fuck off, Iron Man. Over."  
"Fuck off yourself, Widow._ Over._"_

"_Guys, can we use the coms for important things only, thanks. Over."_

Clint sighed. That wasn't going to go down well at all. He heard Natasha's growl through his earpiece and spotted her on the sidewalk taking the anger out on one of the invading aliens. It exploded with a shower of gunk that she managed to avoid.

"_Who died and put _him_ in charge anyway, over?"_

"_Are you _honestly_ that stupid? Or is it just arrogance? Over."_

Tony grabbed an alien out of the air and flung it towards Natasha, who squealed, sidestepped, and then began to shoot at Tony. Clint sighed.

"_Look, guys. I know we've all had a hard day, and none of us need this right now, but can we just get it over with so we can go home and go to bed? Please? Over."_

The coms remained silent for a couple of seconds, and then Steve's voice appeared.

"_Well said, Hawkeye. I think we should all live by those words. Over."_

"_Oh, save your all-American shit for later, Cap, over." _Natasha snapped, and Tony laughed, startled.

"_I second the Widow. Over."_

"_Geez," _Clint muttered.

A loud rumbling sound came from behind them and Clint fired off another arrow before spinning around to stare in the direction where it was coming from.

"_Argh, here comes the National Guard! Over."_

Three collective groans came over the coms.

"_Can they not just keep their noses out?" _Tony said, and Natasha tutted.

"_All they do is make things worse. Over."_

"_Let's just try and keep them out of the way, over," _Steve said, raising his shield and _almost_ avoiding another sliming. _"Urgh."_

"_I think they like you, over" _Clint muttered, smirking, and he saw Steve stop what he was doing and glare at him from the sidewalk.

The soliders from the National Guard were jumping down from their vehicles and sending bullets flying everywhere. Most were hitting trees and the pavement, skidding along and sending sparks flying. Natasha dived behind a car and Steve stepped into the fray, trying to wave his arms but mainly hiding from bullets behind his shield.

They all stopped at the sight of Captain America, squinting and staring at the dripping figure in blue and red.

"Hey guys," he said. "Um, we've kinda got this covered and, no offense, but you're sorta just making things _worse_ right now. So, how about you all sit in your cars until we deal with the threat, and then you can help with the clean up."

The rest of the Avengers team were watching all of the aliens in the square converge on Steve's position with a resigned kinda air.

"_Think we should tell him, over?" _Natasha asked, and Tony shouted, _"Hey Cap!" _over the line. After a couple of seconds of no response while he continued to reason with the stunned soldiers who were retreating, Tony muttered, _"He's not in. Over"_

"_His own fault then, over," _Clint said.

The Hulk was still struggling, his sheer weight making it almost impossible for him to move across the slime covered ground.

"_Hold your fire and wait for me to say go, Hawk. We can get them in one shot, over." _Natasha said, and Clint muttered, _"Gotcha, over."_

Tony flew into eyeshot of the explosion, glad that no one could see the gleeful expression on his face. The Hulk roared behind him.

"_Ah, the Green Giant defeated by slime. How ironic?"_

"_Say. Over. Iron Man."_

"_I. Read. You. Widow. O-ver."_

Natasha muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, _"Prick" _and Clint couldn't help but chuckle.

"_Okay Hawk, you ready? Over."_

"_Yep. Target in sight, over."_

"_Fire at will. Over."_

"_Or at Cap, over," _Tony added, laughing.

"_Shut it, Iron, over."_

Clint ignored the bickering, seeing only the conglomerate of slimy aliens behind Steve. He sent an arrow flying through the air, it whistled past Steve, and he turned just at the worst possible time.

All of the aliens exploded in a fountain of slime. Which just happened to fly in the direction of a shocked Steve Rogers and completely cover him. He stood, dripping on to the sidewalk, spitting gunk out of his mouth and trying to blink it out of his eyes.

The rest of them had had a shit day, three of them were missing out on dates (therefore three of them should have been drunk by now), one was standing stock still so he didn't slip over in the grass and cause an earthquake and they just couldn't hold it in any longer.

The laughed until they felt sick; Tony nearly fell out of the air, Natasha was sitting on the floor against the car she was behind and Clint had to hang on to the wall so he didn't drop from the sky. The Hulk was clutching his knees, tears rolling down his face.

Steve was less than impressed.

"_Alright, alright. Calm down. It wasn't that funny."  
"Oh, it was Cap. Wait until I tell Thor!" _Tony said, _"He'll be gutted he missed it!"_

"_I'm sorry, Cap," _Natasha said, but seconds later she was laughing again.

The National Guard managed to remain stoic, but Clint caught a couple of twitching mouths.

* * *

A few hours later it was dark and they were all sitting in a pub. They'd had a meal and had been on to drinks for a while, and even Pepper had joined them once she was finished cleaning up another Tony-PR-mess. Steve was still red-faced, dreading the next day's papers.

It was calm and easy and they were all relaxed and winding down, laughing and joking and ignoring the stares that were being thrown in their direction. But, last orders came and went, and they all decided they should head back.

Everyone vanished to pee except Natasha and Clint, and they were stood outside, backs against a wall, waiting for the others to appear.

"I'm sorry about our date," Natasha muttered and Clint was taken aback.

"Huh?" He shook his head and, before she got a chance to reply, said, "That wasn't your fault."  
"I know, but you were looking forward to it."  
"I'd hope you were too."  
"Yeah."

There was silence for a couple of seconds.

"There's always next time," Natasha said.

"And hopefully it won't be sidelined because of an alien invasion, huh?"

Natasha smiled and it warmed Clint from the inside. Alcohol gave him courage and he leant forward and went in for a kiss. She was surprised, but kissed back.

"Finally!"

Tony's voice interrupted the moment and they broke apart, turning to glare daggers at a beaming Tony Stark.

"Tony, leave it," Steve muttered, and Pepper shook her head, grabbing his hand and dragging him off, Steve and Bruce following behind them.

Natasha sighed and Clint laughed, taking her hand and following the rest of the group.

Natasha let him.


End file.
